Today’s article we are going to look at the best time to introduce your children and how best to do so.
When you are over 40 and dating, chances are you have children and this doesn’t matter whether you are a woman or a man, as long as your children are under-age, chances are that they will be very involved with your partner and what this means is that, they need to be introduced because once you start living together, the children will be in both your lives.
Online dating tips for over 40 Don’t introduce too many people to your children
With online dating, things can get a bit complicated because you are not sure when is the right time to mention to your family and more importantly to your children that you have met someone online. First I will say that it’s not wise to mention it unless you are sure that the relationship is a serious one, You really don’t want to be mentioning different name every week to your children.
That will send a very wrong message, so I say, wait until you are sure, that the relationship is moving in the right direction, and don’t let the person you are dating push you into introducing them to your children because only you can decide when the right time is to do so, trust your instinct, if you feel the time is right, then do it.
I will also say that by not introducing your partner to your children when it’s clear that the relationship is serious and heading to maybe you are moving in together or getting married, that could cause lots of trouble in the future, so if you are sure that things are progressing well, then you do have to do the introductions, so your children can start getting used to the idea of you having somebody.
If you have been reading my articles and especially if you have read my K1 visa article, then you know that I had traveled all the way to America to get married, you also know that the marriage did not take place. Now without bad mouthing anyone, I will try to touch on some of the things that made it so hard for the marriage to take place.
The children of my ex-fiance hated me
Let me start by saying there is no worse feeling than knowing that someone hates you and that no matter what you do, they will never like you, I found this fact when I was in the US, my then fiance, had two children, a boy 13 and a girl 19, the girl was a very intelligent young woman and even though she really didn’t like me, I have to give her credit for trying really hard to hide it and make me feel as if I was welcome.
But there were a few occasions when the truth slips out without her intending for it to slip out, I knew thou that she didn’t like me, but she never said a bad word to me at least not in my presence.
But the boy hated me, he hated me with a passion, there are many things that went on that I will not list here but, I came to find out that the boy thought that at some point the parents who were divorced but remained friends, we’re going to get back together and I was the one who was coming between them getting back together.
I do have to mention that I later also found out that my so-called fiance was not really over the ex-wife and he really didn’t have any intention of marrying me. So it made sense that he had not disclosed to his children that he was engaged to an African woman who was going to travel across the globe to America to get married.
Now I had read somewhere that it’s not wise to tell a parent how they should deal with their children so when I asked him a few times if he had told the children about our plans, he said that he knows the right time and how to tell them and that I should leave it to him so I did. You can imagine my shock when I got there and found out that the children didn’t know about engagement and that they were under the impression that I was just visiting.
So I will say this first of all it’s not fair to give children false hopes of the parents getting back together, I mean you can get along and raise your children but it’s wise to make it clear to the children that you are not getting back together, if indeed that is the case, but if there is a chance, then don’t get engaged to someone, just work on getting your wife or your husband back.
If indeed you have moved on and you are ready for somebody else to enter into your life, then the children need to know
If indeed you are ready to move on with someone, then you have to introduce them to the children and give them time to get used to the idea before you move in or get married, let the children spend some time with the new person, so they can get comfortable with the idea. You also want to see how the person behaves toward your children, you don’t want to bring someone into your children’s lives who will mistreat them or insteal the wrong values into your children.
I understand that it does get complicated when you are dating and you have children but if you do things the right way, all will be OK, of course, you will face difficulties now and then but with time your children will accept your partner and life will get better, the trick is for the adults to talk and decide how best to handle complications.
I love children, and I usually get along very well with children, but in that particular case, I could never do anything right and I tried, I really did but nothing worked and in the end I just wanted to go back to my country because I had started forgetting how it felt like to be liked or to be surrounded by people who value you or care about you. It was a terrible feeling.
So before you get really serious and start with visa and other things if you are doing the online international dating, make sure you have many sessions face time or Skype meetings that will include your children, that way, everything will be in the open and actually if it’s possible to visit the person with your children, I think it’s a good idea to make it happen.
The thing is, your children are the most important people in your life, but the person you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, is also important and so the sooner the important people in your life get to know each other the better, and if they get along well, that’s even better and you will hopefully have a one big happy family, well that’s the idea anyway.
If you are unsure of how to go about it, then just start slowly and softly bring up the idea
If you are in a situation where you are not sure how or even if it’s the right time to introduce someone to your children, I say approach the issue from an angle and see how it goes, for example you can say that you are not happy being alone and you would like to meet someone, then watch and see how they respond to that, and then slowly you can keep hinting, and then one day just sit them down and have a serious conversation with them and tell them you have met someone.
And please, if you are engaged, do not keep it a secret, that is not a good idea, it’s better to tell them and let them deal with it rather than getting them to hate the person. I say get them involved when you go to the airport to pick the person up, take the children with you. I think by getting them involved, it will make them see and feel like they are a part of it and you are not just shoving someone onto their faces, you know what I mean?
So I hope you have found some useful tips on this post and I hope you will do the right thing if you have any comments or questions, please leave them below and I will be very happy to answer them. Thank you so much for your time.
Rose
